My story
As a child, I breezed my way through everything. School was easy. I read a lot and grasped the material effortlessly. I didn't need to ask for help. What I didn't realise back then: if you don't learn to truly work for something, you'll pay the price later. That's what happened in high school, when I had to choose a specialisation. I actually wanted to focus more on maths, physics, and chemistry, but that meant I had to actually put in effort. So I didn't pick them...
I chose a completely different path: music. After a summer of doing nothing, I started at the conservatory, and after just a few days, I felt completely overwhelmed. So many courses, so much homework… I thought I could do the same thing as always: give it a half-arsed effort and still keep up. That didn't work this time. I drowned.
I didn't go to my internship, cried over my homework, lost my love for music, and escaped into video games. I didn't say anything to my parents. Asking for help never occurred to me. I kept myself busy. In retrospect, it was mostly bullshit: I was on a road to nowhere, trying to escape the inevitable.
Only after months did the teachers at the conservatory discover I hadn't shown up for my internship. They weren't angry, but concerned. "Are you okay?", is what they asked me, and it broke me. No, I wasn't okay. I couldn't do this. And I didn't want to any more. The reality I tried so hard to avoid was suddenly laid bare. I quit the conservatory.
After a dark period, I started to study at the university: Language and Culture Studies. That was a generic and safe choice, mainly because I kept avoiding the question, "What do I want?". I took my sweet time to get my degree because those years were mostly filled with activities other than studying. That, too, was me trying to escape once again: wasting time to postpone the real confrontation.
The confrontation came, almost by chance, during my first "adult job." I discovered that I actually enjoyed learning how systems and people work. That insight led me to IT. As a Test Consultant, I devoted myself fully to the profession. For the first time in my life, I was truly putting effort into something. And it worked.
I built a network, became a well-known face in the international testing community, became a conference speaker, and branched out as an independent contractor. Only then, well into my twenties, did I gain confidence in myself and my work ethic. The realization was painfully clear: I wasn't stuck because of circumstances. I did this to myself.
That ability to put in effort had always been within me. For years, I'd been preoccupied with bullshit and time-wasting because it felt safer and easier than taking responsibility.
With this perspective, I began to look at my own health and that of others. Why do people get stuck when they try to live healthier? Here too, I saw that circumstances were often cited as the reason, but in reality, people are mainly avoiding a confrontation with their own bullshit and time-wasting. That's why I hold up a mirror to my clients, so they can truly take action afterward.
Now I know that making an effort is worth it. That you can ask for help. That you can be blind to your own patterns. And that facing the hidden reality is what truly sets you in motion. Because usually, it's not the world that's holding you back. It's you.
